Giving someone negative feedback is never fun. Whether it is telling a coworker they missed the mark, discussing something that bothers you with a friend, or trying to help someone improve, these conversations can be uncomfortable. But if handled well, feedback can strengthen trust and help people grow.
Unfortunately, it is easy to get it wrong. Here are five common mistakes people often make when giving negative feedback — and how to avoid them. Remember, it's normal to make these mistakes, and the key is to learn from them and improve your feedback skills.
Avoiding the Conversation
When noticing a problem, but you don't say anything. Maybe you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or you're just hoping it will go away on its own. The issue usually doesn't go away—it gets worse. And the longer you wait, the harder it becomes to bring up. So to avoid, be honest and timely. The sooner you address the issue, the easier it is for everyone to move forward. Don't let minor problems turn into big ones.
Being Too Vague
You try to be gentle, so you talk in circles or use unclear language like "I just think maybe you could improve a little bit." Here, the other person is left confused and may not even realize what the issue is or how to fix it. In such a case, be specific. Say exactly what happened, how it affected you or others, and what could have been tackled differently next time. Clear feedback is kind feedback.
Making It Personal
When the feedback sounds like an attack on the person rather than their actions, words like "You're careless" or "You never listen" can feel harsh. Putting people on the defensive can damage the relationship. To improve, focus on actions, not personality. Talk about what happened, not who they are. For example: "When you didn't respond to my message, it made things harder for the team."
Choosing the Wrong Time or Place
Bringing it up in front of others, sending a critical text, or discussing it during a stressful moment are all examples of choosing the wrong time or place for feedback. Public or poorly timed feedback can feel embarrassing or aggressive. Instead, pick a private, calm moment to talk. Make sure both of you are in the right headspace for a productive conversation.
Not Following Up
Give feedback once, then move on and never bring it up again. Without checking in, the other person doesn't know if they've improved—or if you still think there's an issue. Following up is crucial as it shows that you care about their growth, and it also provides an opportunity to reinforce positive changes or address any lingering issues.
Follow up. Notice progress. Encourage. Feedback shouldn't be a one-time thing—it should be part of an ongoing, supportive relationship.
No one likes giving negative feedback, but it's something we all need to do from time to time. When handled with care, honesty, and respect, feedback can actually make relationships stronger—not weaker. Avoiding these common mistakes can help you communicate more clearly and make tough conversations a little easier. Remember, be timely and honest, be specific, focus on actions not personality, choose the right time and place, and follow up. These are the key principles to keep in mind when giving negative feedback.
